Working Towards Organization

Ok, so it's no surprise if you know me, to hear that I have a bit of an organizational problem when it comes to my personal space. I want my home to be comfortable and I want to relax when I get there - not clean things! I assume there are others out there that feel this way. And it's not that I can't stay clean...there ARE areas of my home that stay consistently clean for me. Take the bathroom for instance. It absolutely grosses me out to have a dirty bathroom, so I am very aware of putting things back into place there.

I guess what it really is, is that I NEED things in place for me to put them back. They have to have a "place". In the bathroom I have a basket for all my lotions and hair spays. And they stay there! In the living room I have a shoe basket...so all the shoes go there. If there is a set place, I can do it!

So I'm doing laundry today. And although I actually enjoy folding laundry (very therapeutic) I just kept letting it pile and pile until today I was forced to because 1. My husband and I have completely run out of every shirt pants and underwear we own and 2. My cat pooped on the clothes. (really? REALLY MOSHE?!). So I've spent my WHOLE DAY doing laundry.

I sit here and think to myself. HOW can I set something up to where this doesn't happen again? And then I realized that Moshe may have pooped divine intervention poop. I am now forced to throw one of the two hampers I have away because of his smelly gift, AND THAT MIGHT HELP ME! I think I let it go for so long because I can. Theres another hamper for it. But if I only have one hamper, its more noticeable quicker that I need to do laundry. And not only that but picking a designated day might work to my advantage too. SO.

1. Keep only one hamper in the bedroom.
2. Do laundry every Monday.

I realize that this isn't really the vibe of my normal blogs, but that's ok! I write what I'm wrestling with. And sometime that might be theological, sometimes a story about my nanny job, or sometimes about being a wife. Who knows. Plus it's worth it to get it out of my mind to save my marriage! ;)

Sunshine

We are busy. The "we" of my husband and I. The "we" of my church. The "we" of America. We are busy. About a month ago, our young adult bible study went on a retreat to Forest Home's Briefing conference. On the last night of the conference the whole camp did an hour of silence. Not just quiet time with music or reading your Bible.

An hour.
Of.
Silence.

I took this time very seriously, because I realized that silence is not just shutting your mouth, it is shutting off your mind. I think many people, (very much including myself) have this tendency to pray before bed and every 4 seconds into praying you are thinking about what to do tomorrow...then you remember that you were praying and on the cycle goes again. We just can't seem to quiet our minds long enough.

While I was engaged in the hour of silence, it literally took me 45 minutes to stop "talking" in my mind. It reminded me of a practice I took up in college for a class. We had to partake in a spiritual discipline, and I choose to go into our schools prayer chapel for an hour, 5 days a week. I could have gotten away with saying that I would pray for 15 minutes in the morning, but for some reason I chose a whole hour to spend time with God out of my day. Which feels like a lot! At first it was...but it became on of my most cherished memories of my college experience. I would read my Bible, pray, draw, spend time is silence, even dance sometimes. Soon, that hour went by so quickly that I wanted more. I felt connected to the Creator. I felt good about who I was and my identity in Christ. I loved God and I knew God loved me back. I desperately miss those times. I was rejuvenated and re-centered. And lately I've been so busy that I may have forgotten who I am and who my God is...

But anyway, back to the hour of silence, 45 whole minutes is what it took for me to unwind, and finally LISTEN. I kept saying "stop. listen." if I felt myself starting to even "talk" to God. This was a time to listen in silence. Not to talk to God, but to let God talk to me.

Finally after 45 minutes, and then after a few more of intense silence, God said this:

"Hello, my sunshine."

Oh, I smiled. I listened as flashes of myself as a child ran through my head. Those innocent qualities of a child. Those qualities that we know we have deep inside us, but that we've pushed away for so long. For me, I was a bright, smiling, crazy, laughing, singing, mischievous, little girl who knew exactly what she wanted, and those things are still a part of my soul. That is who I am when no one is looking. That is who I am with my family, my husband and my God. But even with those closest to me, I can forget who I am. There are so many identities to chose from...so many expectations in our lives that push us to take on those different identities and internalize a negative self image because our view of ourselves is based on our accomplishments or how others see us.

That is why true silence in the presence of the One who loves you most, good and bad, thick and thin (and many other cliches) is so crucial to feeling and knowing that YOU MATTER in this world. And it is so crucial to being able to DO THE THINGS THAT MATTER. If you are doing so many things and never taking time for yourself you will not do any of those things well. Do only what you can while still taking time to rest, because you can make a difference doing the few things you care about passionately.

So I challenge myself to take specific time out of my week to be silent. And I challenge myself to find my identity in Christ. Because, I am God's Sunshine.