Unconditional Love

Unconditional Love

After a long day of work, Wes came home in the evening. I had just gotten Bonnie to sleep and Henry had been patiently waiting for some snuggles. When Wes came through the door Henry had just gotten into my lap for said snuggles.

“Hey buddy! I missed you today! Can I have a snuggle for a bit?”
“No. I want mommy snuggles.”
“Okay. Can I tell you all the things I love about you? I love that you are kind, I love that you are strong ---”
“Daddy. I don’t love you today. I’ll love you later.”

This could have made Wes sad. Or frustrated. He could have said “Don’t say that, that hurts me.” He could have said “That’s not nice.” He could have just grabbed Henry anyway and made him snuggle. But he didn’t. Do you know what he said?

“Okay. I’ll be here.”

I’ll be here.

No judgement. No shame. No fear. Just love with waiting arms.

Henry was able to sit in that unconditional love. Unafraid. Resting within the air of peace. Knowing that nothing would take away that love. Nothing he could do will make his daddy love him less.

Within a few minutes, if that, he got a big smile on his face.

“Family snuggle?”

He and I ran over to Wes and gave the squeeziest squeeze hugs and smiled and laughed and loved each other.

As the spouse of a pastor I have often been asked if there were any Bible passages that inform or inspire my gentle parenting approach. I honestly hadn’t been able to answer other than overarching biblical themes. But tonight, this one comes to mind.

1 John 4:10, 16-19

“This is real love—not that we loved God, but that God loved us. God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them. And as we live in God, our love grows more perfect. So we will not be afraid on the day of judgment, but we can face God with confidence because we live like Jesus here in this world. Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love. We love each other because he loved us first.”

Perfect love expels all fear. Our children should not fear us. We won’t be perfect (we aren’t - trust me), but our love should be one that does not shame, does not hurt, does not isolate. Our love should be a deep breath in. And a slow breath out. It should be rest, peace, and without the condition of reciprocity. We love them just because and with abundant overflowing joy.

May we all find this kind of love. May we feel it given to us and may we give it freely away. May we love our children as God loves us.

Because I'm Happy

"We shall never know all the good that a simple smile can do."
"Let us always meet each other with smile, for the smile is the beginning of love."
“Every time you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing.”
- Mother Teresa 

My 8-month-old son can't do much right now, but there is one thing he does better than anyone I've ever known - this boy can SMILE. If Henry had a theme song it would most definitely be "Happy" by Pharrell Williams. Henry's love is contagious and infectious. He is so small, but his joy is so big.

Yesterday our church participated in a service project where we were sent in groups to do different things - serve in a soup kitchen, install new carpeting at a local school, and pack school bags to be sent to children in need. Wes, baby Henry, and I were asked to go with a group of people to sing hymns at a local assisted living center. 

Henry has a thing for old people. One could argue that Henry loves everyone, but we've noticed he has a special love for those older and wiser ones among us - and they love him something fierce right back. So hearing about the opportunity to serve at an assisted living facility seemed great for Henry! But to be honest, I wasn't looking forward to it.  Old people have always kind of scared me. They are fragile. And they can't hear you. And what are you suppose to talk about? And sometimes old people are mean! But this wasn't about me. This was about Henry.

As soon as he walked through the door he put on that Henry charm! As we sang, he distracted several older patients with his smiles, and they were delighted. My eyes welled up with tears at one point as he literally lit up the room. People who looked so sad a moment ago could gaze at my boy and feel joy. People wanted to touch him and talk to him...he made them feel alive. It was worth my discomfort to see their smiles. Needless to say, I have a feeling we will be taking him back to visit again. 

My sweet baby is already an inspiration to me. He reminds me of the important things in this world (and the important people). All we really need is to be present with one another. That is the beauty of grace and love. We don't have to do anything - we just have to be willing to BE with each other. 

I want my son to always know that before he could do anything else - before his words or any other kind of action - his smiled changes lives. Some day when he has nothing to say and doesn't know what to do, I want him to remember that he can smile, and maybe that's all he needs to do.