Micah 6:8

I sat as I waited for the car ahead of me to drive out of the driveway so I could get out on the road. A woman was trying to talk to the driver through the window but quickly walked away. When it was my turn to drive through I noticed the woman. She had sat back down next to a man under the bus stop bench. They seemed to be traveling together and looked like they needed some money, or food, or anything, really.

As I drove by my heart was saddened. I wanted to help them. But I thought about the streets of LA county and the dangers of being alone.

"But God,' I said. "How do you know when it's safe to go out?"......

And he replied, "I never asked you to be safe."

Survivors Guilt

My boyfriend Wes and I went down to Mexico with our church and our friends Ty and Danny. Our time there was amazing, and I'll probably write more about that specifically later, but for now I want to write about another event that happened on the way home.

On our way up the 15 freeway the truck we were in caught on fire. For a more detailed account of the event check out what Wes wrote here. But to sum it up, we were informed by another driver that our car was on fire, we hopped out, and then in a "blessing" we were not harmed, other drivers stopped to help up and with the "hand of God" a passing fire truck, not on call, finished up the job.

Here's what I'm really struggling with though: After the incident passed and we were on our way back up to the church, we saw two accidents on the freeway, far more harmful than ours. So why were we "blessed" and not the man and woman lying on the freeway pavement. Why did we live and miraculously save everything out of the truck before the flames engulfed the front of the car?

I do not understand the order of this world. In Yarchin's class here at APU (Hebrew Poetical and Wisdom Literature) we talked about consequences and actions in the Bible. In Deuteronomy there are specific rules and specific consequences or blessings that follow and it is NOT addressed as a "This might happen" but a "This WILL happen". What are we suppose to do with this when experience has told us that bad things happen to good people and sometimes blessing and wealth comes from taking advantage of immigrant workers?

We discussed this in class for quite some time and come to the conclusion that the Bible is telling us to critique it. The Bible wants us to say "hmm that's not what I see" and use the minds that God has given us to look at what is in front of us.

So maybe there is no black or white. But that doesn't help me. That just frustrates me. Not always. But in times like these. When I want to know why I didn't die. Why would God chose to save me? Did he close to save me? Did he have any part in it at all? I don't know. Maybe I'm just suppose to accept that this is just the way things are. We can't know why things happen because we can't see the bigger picture. But maybe God can't see the bigger picture either and he holds me and cries with me too and wonders why the man on the freeway had to die.

My Proverb

This is the proverb that I wrote for my class. Let me know how you interpret it or how it makes you feel.

As a fool aggravates an angry bull,
So is the one who provokes a pointless argument.

Revelation

Wes and I pulled up to the gas station to fill up my car. He got out while I stayed buckled in. As I sat in my seat, I noticed a man digging through the trashcan to the right of me. He pulled out old bottles and cans, anything that could be recycled, and put them all into his own trashbag. Without realizing it, I reached for the lock. I hate that I do that. He moved over to the trashcan to my right and began the process again, and once finished, walked away. Wes finished filling up the tank and got back into the car.

"The homeless are better stewards of the environment." I said.

"Why's that?"

"They recycle."

Transparency

This week I saw an incredible amount of transparency in a very unexpected situation. My roommate and I were watching “Ellen” and the minute she stepped out and the camera’s started rolling, she began to cry. We weren’t expecting that. And as tears began to fall she said,

“"People say to me a lot, 'How do you do the show if you're in a bad mood? How do you do your show if you're sad, or, don't you have bad days?' I'm a human being and I have bad days and I have sad days. But when I walk out here, and you all cheer, and when you're here to dance, you're here to laugh, and I know I make people happy, it changes my mood. I come out here and I can do anything because of the energy I get. But today is a hard day for me. Today is bad. I am not capable of coming out and pretending to be funny when things are going so terribly wrong right now. I'm so sorry -- I'm just not able to pretend. So I'm going to tell you the story. I'm going to get over it and we're going to have a good show.”

This kind of emotion and transparency is rare. Regardless of how you feel about Ellen DeGeneres, and regardless of the fact that her story ended up being about a dog, you cannot help but know that her emotion was real, and she wasn’t afraid to be transparent for a moment.

When we are transparent with someone, we are forced into relationship with them. When you see pain in another human beings eyes, you cannot help but feel connected to them. I don’t know Ellen, and I never will, but in that moment we were connected, because I know the emotion that came out. I see it in myself; I see it in hearts of the people I love. And I see it in the eyes of the people I’ve never met. This is a common and deep bond between human beings.

The most chilling and profound sentence to me was when she said, “I am not capable of coming out and pretending to be funny when things are going so terribly wrong right now.” It was to this point where she wasn’t even CAPABLE of putting a mask on anymore. It wasn’t even an option.

I think you know that feeling. When someone comes along just at the right moment and asks the right question: “How are you?” and you just can’t do it. You can’t say “Fine” anymore. You begin to cry, or maybe shift about if you’re the tough type, and then you let it down. You let the walls down. “You know…things aren’t going so good right now.” And then you talk.

I wish I saw this more often. This realization that life is not lived alone and that we are in this amazing continuous relationship with one another. Life is meant to be lived transparently. You might think Ellen is annoying, you might think she’s odd, and you might despise her because of her lifestyle, but I pray that you got past how you feel about someone to see that you are just the same as them. Be transparent…please.

Clanging Symbols

I played a "game" recently in one of my classes last semester that was based on communicating to different cultures. There were two teams. Both were tribes. The two were split up and given instructions and they knew nothing about the neighboring tribe. All my team knew was that we had a "Bible" and our goal was to be excited and outgoing and tell the neighboring tribe about our God because we believed that God would not come back to get us until the whole earth had heard about Him. When we entered the room we were shocked by the other team. They had a new "language" and they backed away from our personality. We had two very different cultures interacting/ being represented. One was very outgoing and individualistic, the other was cautious and every thing relied on community.

The game was a great way for us to learn about communication through cultures. It took awhile for my team to figure out the other tribes way of life and how to be welcomed, but eventually, with the right attitude and the right questions, our tribes talked together. It wasn't easy and there was alot of frustration for our team. But with time and patience, we got somewhere.

After the game ended we debriefed about it. And something hit me hard. I thought about the team I was on. I thought about how our entire mission in the game as a tribe, was to tell the people about "God". It didn't matter if they believed. Our "bible" told us that as long as they heard about God, God would come back for US.

Then I wondered. Is that how some of the church acts? Instead of sharing and showing the love and peace of God to others because we know the hope and beauty that a relationship with the Creator is....instead.....we do it as a job. It's just something we have to do if we want to look good.

I remember when I was about 13 years old, I felt like I was doing something wrong because I never "lead anyone to Christ". I thought there was something wrong with me because no one had repeated the sinner's prayer with me. Doesn't that just feel weird?

Some people have stopped caring about one another and knowing and sharing life with them. It becomes a goal to save people.

The point of the game in class was to show that you cannot just go into another persons life and think you know everything. It will take time to learn about the people and find out their history...why they are the way they are. It takes time to gain trust. We have to love one another and care about the things that God deeply cares about. We have to clothes the clotheless, feed the hungry and stand up for those who cannot stand for themselves. I'm being bold here, but it's just NOT enough to lead someone to Christ and walk out of their life without a care for who they are or where they are going.

To quote one of the best 80's television shows ever created (Scarecrow and Mrs. King), "You can't just walk into my life, hand me a package, tell me you love me, and walk out of my life again."

Maybe you'd have to watch it, but I think it's great. You just CAN'T have relationships like that. When Our Lord returns and we are spending eternity in harmony with Him and with each other, it won't matter so much if you helped 50 people say the sinners prayer. What will matter is the lives that you touched, the Jesus' in disguise that you loved on. If you can love on 50 people and change their lives, then great. But if it's void of love, it means nothing.

"If I could speak all the languages of earth and of angels, but didn’t love others, I would only be a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal." - 1 Corinthians 13:1

A good start is to stop talking and just listen.

Sin

"We all lose a part of our humanity, of our divinity when we sin -- when we betray our sacred relationship with one another or with God. When you sin, you feel awful. Because in many ways you end up knowing that it is not in your best interest, ultimately, and that often someone is going to be hurt by what you do. We often think of sin as a violation of religious or moral law or as an offense against God. But we sin whenever we are less than we could be, when we miss the mark of our potential to be fully lovingand caring human beings. These smaller sins also need forgivness, as of course do the larger violations of another's humanity and holiness."

-- Desmond Tutu, God Has a Dream

You don't know how many times I read and reread that.